my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
