so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize