Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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