Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
