Your dad touched me again.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
