Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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