Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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