Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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