I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
