this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
