That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
