i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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