I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
