i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
