Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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