i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
