Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
