I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
