my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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