my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
