I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
