i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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