He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
