I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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