my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
