the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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