is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
