i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
