we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
