Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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