Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize