I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
