Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Panties = found
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
