Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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