So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
