david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
