I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
