the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize