Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
