So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
