Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
