I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
