Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
