I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
