she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
