I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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