Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
