a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize