you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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