I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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