I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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