Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
