Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
