My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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