he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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