I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
