i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
