I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
