shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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