in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
