I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Enjoy the penises
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
