That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
