The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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