im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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